Saturday, October 19, 2019

Meet The Needs of Your Ex

April 20, 2010 by  
Filed under Repairing A Broken Relationship

It is common for the broken hearted to look at their break ups as something that just needs to be fixed. You think that changing one or two things about yourself or your relationship will cure everything. Inevitably this approach fails because you incorrectly assume what the real problem is that led to the break up. Let me explain some more…

Perception can be a difficult thing to measure. We all like to think we know what our partner likes and needs, but when we guess wrong it opens up a big hole in the communication process. As time goes on, the unfulfilled needs fester and the little arguments turn into bigger ones. At some point your partner gets tired of arguing and realizes he or she is never going to get what they need from you. They begin to visualize a future of unhappiness with you…and soon thereafter you get dumped.

For example, say your ex dumped you after an argument about them spending more time with you. You would be inclined to think they left because you were smothering them, so you try to “fix” the problem by promising them more space. However, the problem is that you totally missed the real reason they left.

What really happened was they grew tired of you not listening to them and this caused them to avoid you. The avoidance resulted in less time together and subsequently sparked that final argument. Because you were fighting about not spending time together you assumed that is why they left…but the truth is your ex really just needed you to listen to them more.

If you are going to attract your ex back then you need to get in touch with their needs and desires. Think deeply about how your ex perceives you. Why did your love for each other flourish for so long, yet somehow faded in the end?

Remember that the strongest feelings of love will overcome the little things, but a weaker bond will crumble under pressure. If you can satisfy your lover’s needs then they will look past your faults. Figure out what your ex needs to be happy and you will be well on your way to winning them back.

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